I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
