wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
