I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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