your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
