My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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