i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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