i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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