i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
