On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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