Soap is not a condiment
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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