Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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