i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
