Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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