Rock
Scissors
Fuck
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize