I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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