My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
