airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
