Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
