They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All the doctor said was why
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
