How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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