I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
