Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
