dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
