Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
