I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just pee around me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
