I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I love you. Go after that dick
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
