Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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