i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
