the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
