i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i out mim tonsoeep
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