we have officially lost it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
