dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
