What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
