it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
And then he peed in my hair
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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