Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
