Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize