he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
