that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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