Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
