he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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