is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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