Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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