I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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