Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
