my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
