i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ugly people sure do ruin things
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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