We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
