she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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