this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
