please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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