u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
