dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
