I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
