does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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