if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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