I showed him my bush... on skype.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
