new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
