If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
