Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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