Having a random hookup so left but love u
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
