Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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