Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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