i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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