I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
