Pappa wants mamma naked
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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