3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
