Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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