YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
