Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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