This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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