Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
