Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
