i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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