he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
