ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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