Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
