his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
